Ground Rules: I don't give out too much information about myself as I will mostly blog as a stress releaser. I type as I think (no removing thoughts, so it probably won't be very cohesive)

I am a college student. I go to a very technical-oriented school in the middle of nowhere, but it tends to have a reputation for unsocial people. A good proportion of students at this university never leave their rooms and are quite frankly antisocial. Clearly going here means you're looking to going here as a big investment and what you do is what can attempt to break you. There are some sources of fun in the form of clubs, but this school has such a wide array of clubs and organizations that it's frankly difficult for me to maintain a constant set of friends with them all. This is something that I've struggled with for most of my life. Since I was a baby, I had constantly moved between cities. Making acquaintances was easy for me. Making lasting friendships was hard.

But enough of that, I've decided to just give up on finding the right group of people for me to hang out with. At this point in my college career, I have just found a bunch of different cliques that laugh with each other, hang out with each other, vent to/at each other, and just overall enjoy each other's company. I haven't found a group yet that meets all my interests.

Anyway, I do view going to this university as a big business decision. I come out of here with over a six-figure debt. Most students in my major earn about $30,000 less than what I owe from their annual starting salary. It's why I selected this school, to give me the edge against the lottery known as job searching, something that I honestly don't know that much about. I want to make sure I can earn a stable living doing something I love, which is why I selected Computer Science.

Money is quite a stressor for me, as stressing myself is the only way I've found to motivate myself to do work. Understanding that I am in a pile of debt seems unhealthy, but the threat of that is enough to make sure I don't fail. Unfortunately, it's not enough to get me motivated to work hard enough to get A's, but it's enough to ensure I don't get all Cs.

I need a stress-reliever, which is why I joined my university's ambulance squad. It was much more boring at my university's squad than it was in my home squad (I only had one call the entire fall semester I had begun riding), so I didn't care much about it. It wasn't until this semester that after my attempt to rush a specific fraternity failed that I had frequently begun to go there, on a specific night of the week. I found the people that I generally rode with to be very kind and relaxing... However, there are some people who take it very seriously and do everything to ensure that the squad is professional.. a choice that I have mixed feelings on.

To be blunt, the only reason I joined an ambulance squad initially was because I needed a volunteer activity to get into NHS for college applications' sake. It wasn't until after I had begun riding that I really loved doing it.. just helping people when they ask for it. It helped me give a good feeling. However, I was nowhere the best of all EMTs (I still have trouble taking blood pressures to this day). I'm willing to try to improve my situation, but there is a point in which I just think that maintaining professionalism is a bigger stressor and is not what I wanted.

There are people in my university's ambulance squad that try so hard, but when they come across it, they're just whiny bitches about it. Nobody likes a whiny bitch. I understand that they try to maintain a professional appearance about the club, but to be frank, I find it very boring. Given that I am not exactly the sharpest EMT around and with nothing to really distract myself from the fact or have fun with, I don't think that being in EMS anymore is really that good for me. I understand the need to be professional, but this really is all I do as a club right now. There are some people that are very lax in the squad, but they will graduate soon, and this leaves us with just the people in my year that will eventually spearhead the club. I admire my classmates' respect and work ethics and would honestly endorse some of them, though one of them in particular has expressed interest in becoming future captain. This individual seems to fit my university's general stereotype of socially deficient stickler. Though I agree that there should be some rules, I find the people that follow the rulebook to the exact letter extremely annoying as I find them lacking extreme flexibility and are overall less fun in my opinion. This individual has expressed disdain towards me in multiple ways, and I have presumably expressed my disdain towards him through teasing. I really don't take him seriously when he tries to be serious and bossy because I, quite frankly, think he is a douche. I'm decent friends with his roommate (by random selection), who also dislikes him, and there are people on the squad that dislike him.

I had a conversation with another member on the squad about how boring it would be (I respect this guy as he is also rather lax) and we were joking around toward the end of covering an event (from 6p - 6a) rather recently. He expressed views similarly to the other member that wants to be captain, who I will hereafter refer to as Jon. Professionalism is expected to be maintained when we are in the public, which does bring up a good point as since this friend, who I will dub Dominic, Jon, and I all went without sleep for the night at which point slightly sleep-deprived me jokingly suggested ideas (Jon doesn't take jokes very well and always gives out bad responses toward them, unless they are lines from Arrested Development or Archer, so I try not to say these around him as he just goes into a slightly condescending bitchfest about how much effort people go to try to make the squad look professional though there are tons of hypocrisies, especially considering what some members did earlier the night this occurred at the event, which I will not occur as I would like to not be identified) .

Anyway,  what Dominic said made me wonder about what I really was looking for. I was looking for people to have fun with and to have a good time, the same reason why I wanted to rush to a fraternity. I wanted something to have fun to after all the work from my classes. Computer games were not the right answer as a destressor as I would just end up becoming antisocial, not leaving my room for anything except food and toilet. Maybe it got me thinking that no matter where I would go, I would have to put in some work eventually. Even if I were to rush for a frat, I would have to go through the pledge process to get to know the frat, be hazed, whatever, but there would still be work involved. However, from what I perceive at the ambulance squad, I get the feeling that eveyrone seems to try to be professional 24/7, which is something I do not want in a club. My uni's ambulance club is my antidrug. I don't want it to be completely professional, I guess partly because I'm scared of growing up. I'm scared of always having to work 9-5 5-6 days a week for decent pay, but not much to really enjoy my time with anymore. This is something I hope I one day find an answer to.